I didn’t think I could do it.
I didn’t think I was strong enough.
I thought it would kill me.
I was sure I would break down, fall apart into a million pieces and just die.
And so, I waited.
I waited months.
And finally, one day I made the decision.
“I’m stronger than this” I told myself. ” I can do this.”
And I did.
I looked at the state registry.
The one with my family member’s picture.
And guess what?
I didn’t die. I didn’t fall to pieces or cry or melt into the ground.
Sure, his picture is there, his offense, limited personal statistics.
And yet, upon looking at it, all I could think of when I saw his picture was…..
“Hey, that’s a pretty good picture of him.”
Can you believe it?
The big scary, terrifying registry didn’t destroy me.
Once I looked at it, it didn’t scare me, not even a little. The power that I had given the registry no longer existed.
All I could think of was, “that’s a really good picture.”
Bizarre isn’t it?
We give the registry so much power.
We give ourselves so little credit for the strength we all have inside of us.
We let the “idea” of the registry scare us so much that we are too afraid to look it in the face and deal with the demon that terrifies us.
It’s was a good picture, what can I say?
I hate that it’s on the registry, but I know we’ll all change that soon.
So, if you’re like me and have been too afraid to look at your family member’s picture on the registry, take it from me, it won’t kill you.
It may make you stronger.
For me, there was no shock, no shame, no “how terrible”. Nothing.
Just, “Damn, that’s a good picture!”
I’m stronger for facing my fear of the unknown and it’s amazing how much better I feel having done it.
Maybe you will too.