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The weight of the world is on my shoulders. Or that’s how it seems most of the time.
And I’m not even a registrant, I’m just a family member of a registrant.
So if the burden of the registry is this heavy for me, I can only imagine how a registrant feels.
Most days it feels like I’m carrying a ton of bricks on my shoulders. It can be a struggle to stand up straight and face the world. Sometimes I find myself stooped over, walking with my head down, eyes toward the ground. I pass a mirror and have to remind myself “head up, stand straight, you can do this.”
The registry weighs you down. It’s like slogging through cement. Hard to move one foot in front of the other, you end up tired long before you ever get to where you’re going.
And, like with all weight issues, nothing fits anymore!
Friends that “used to” fit in my life, well, some of them just don’t seem to fit anymore. Seems there’s no “elastic waistband” when it comes to the registry. The weight of the word “registry” alone is enough to tip the scales in our lives when it comes to friends.
And I’m not even a registrant, just a family member of a registrant.
Just the weight of the word “registry” began to weight me down when it was first mentioned by attorneys, years ago, even before sentencing.
Registry, Registry, Registry!
It’s a heavy, oppressive beast of a word. It seems to have a life of it’s own.
Back in the early days of this journey I imagined “life on the registry” would be difficult for my family member, but the shear “weight” of it never occurred to me.
Just the “thought” of the registry makes me sick, but the “weight” of it, all it’s implications, all it’s rules and regulations, it wears me down, takes it’s toll on my immune system. Is it my imagination or have I never had as many physical ailments in my life as I have since my family member became a “registry” member?
And let’s not even get into the mental health issues. The depression, malaise, sadness, fear, all those cumbersome feelings that we stuff down but still carry with us on a daily basis.
And, we’re not even the registrant!
Yes, the “weight” of the registry certainly does a number on us. All of us. Registrant and family member alike.
But, don’t despair….
Like alot of people, we all spend a good part of our lives trying to “lose a few extra pounds”.
As long as we all keep working together, we can lose this “registry weight” too!