No More Suicides, Please!

The opinions expressed within posts and comments are solely those of each author, and are not necessarily those of Women Against Registry.

Today I read about a Las Vegas Metro police officer who committed suicide by asphyxiation on July 24, 2017. He was facing up to 45 years in prison for child pornography charges.

He was 24 when he was arrested and 25 when he took his life.

Last week it was an 81 year old registered sex offender who took his life by jumping from a bridge in Joliet, Illinois. The news didn’t say whether his registration status had anything to do with his suicide, only that he had just been to the police station that same day to register.

A few years ago it was an Assistant Deputy to a TN State Representative who took his own life when he was caught with child pornography.  If I recall correctly, the young man was in his 30’s.

How many suicides of registrants haven’t I read about? I’m certain there are others.

How many more is it going to take before politicians notice that the “registry” is a killer?

Politicians proclaim that “the registry keeps people safe!”

Well, tell that to the families of those registrants who took their own lives because they felt like they had no other options.  The registry sure as hell didn’t keep their loved ones safe now did it?

I don’t want to read about another registry related suicide.

I don’t want another person who is facing time on the registry to feel like taking their life is their only option.

Choose to Live! That’s a better option!

Choose to Live, Stand Up and Be Counted with the rest of us.

None of us knows what changes may come about tomorrow or next week or next year. Things can change, there’s plenty of people across the country that are working hard to end this madness we call the registry.

Suicide isn’t the answer.

No one wins with suicide. There’s always a lot of collateral damage. Collateral damage that, if you were in your right frame of mind, you would never want your family or friends to have to endure. Don’t even entertain thoughts of suicide.

Suicide in never the answer.

I’ve answered thousands of crisis calls in my career.  Suicide was not an option, ever.

First you choose to live and then you can move on from there. 

There are support lines, crisis centers, physicians, psychiatrists, hospitals, clergy, family, friends and 911. Call someone if you need help.

Don’t let the registry win.  The registry may beat us up, knock us out, throw us around.  We may get a bit battered and bruised. But don’t let it win.

If you feel like you are backed into a corner with no way out, pick up the phone and call someone.  Don’t let the registry bully you into taking your life.

The registry isn’t worth it.

Don’t let it define how you live or die. You are worth more and deserve better than that.

Choose to be a survivor and not a suicide. Please!

 

 

 

 

The opinions expressed within posts and comments are solely those of each author, and are not necessarily those of Women Against Registry.

27 comments for “No More Suicides, Please!

  1. Richard
    September 17, 2019 at 1:01 am

    I live in Arizona, and was put on the registry for life. I was dating a 17 year old; I was 23 at the time. I only dated her for a couple of weeks, and I broke off the relationship after feeling uncomfortable dating someone so much younger than me. I thought I was doing the right thing by breaking up with her, but her mom told me that I would regret breaking her daughters heart and a week later I was arrested on multiple charges of “Sexual assault/rape on a minor”. I had no idea what they were talking about. I didn’t have any money for a lawyer and my public defender told me that because there is no evidence, it will be her word against mine if I take my case to trial, and all she’ll have to do is start crying on the stand and say she’s scared of me, etc, to sway a jury. I was looking at a maximum of 68 years in prison. The prosecutor offered me a plea deal which stated that we had consensual sexual contact and that would make it to where I would only spend 3 months in the county jail and a couple of years on probation. My defender told me that given the alternative of possibly losing at trial this was a fantastic deal, so I took it. I’m now on the registry for life. I had to move back in with my parents, I, and my parents, have gotten harassed, death threats, told to leave stores, told “If I ever see you in out in public, I know people that will kill you for me”, etc, etc, etc… I’m scared to leave the house. I can’t find a job anywhere. I have crippling anxiety and depression that involves anything other than just sitting in my room. I’ve told the police about all the abuse, but nothing ever gets done about it. I do have a girlfriend that helps me out, but she can only help me so much, and I know that my mistake has affected her ability to be in public, too and I feel so guilty about that. I just don’t know what to do anymore… I don’t even know if abolishing the registry would even help anymore. The damage is already done. I believe suicide would really, truly, be my only respite from this hell.

  2. JML
    September 2, 2019 at 3:27 am

    I served 3 1/2 years of a 5 year sentence and have been on the registry for almost 11 years now. It is a lifetime registry in Texas. I rightfully lost my marriage, my job, and my retirement from the military, which I had served 18 years. Three months ago I watched my stepdad lose his life to a stroke. I have basically decided that when my elderly mother passes away that I too will then finalize my expenses and then take my own life. My children are all grown and basically the registry has stopped me from having any type of love life or real friends for the last 11 years. And it has been an incredibly lonely 11 years. And I dont want to end up with a stroke myself because I personally dont think that the nursing home I will end up in will bother to register me when my birthday comes up. And what then…will the police actually come and wheel me and my bed to the county jail??? I have been to Iraq so the thought of dying does not scare me.

    • kat
      September 2, 2019 at 1:04 pm

      JML-
      Contact the WAR Support Line 1-800-311-3764 option #1, there are people that you can talk to.
      It sounds like you have really had it rough, so many loses. Don’t lose your will to go on, don’t let the registry win.
      You have kids, just because they’re grown doesn’t mean they don’t need you around, maybe you can reach out to them for support (sometimes our own families don’t realize how depressed we are.)
      Call the support line and talk with someone..there are people who understand what you’re going thru.

      • JML
        September 2, 2019 at 5:53 pm

        I am hesitant to call because prior to my trial I was “locked” away three different times in a VA Mental Ward for suicidal intentions. I do not, and cannot afford to, be sent away again to a mental ward. After I was questioned (all night) by the military police I talked to an Army chaplain. For almost two hours all I kept asking him “was my mortal soul in danger? Would I still be going to heaven?” For the whole time all he did was stare at me. In Leavenworth, I tried to attend church, but there was not a single conservation on forgiveness. All anyone ever cared about was that you admitted to your guilt, which I had admitted to from the get go anyway. My family has long forgiven me, but society has not and will probably never do that. Luckily I have not encountered any overt acts of aggression but the “looks” are still there. I read some of the blogs and yes I feel I have to walk around with “blinders” on, watch constantly how I act in public, and I have installed a peep hole on my front door (which I constantly keep locked) because my name, picture, crimes, address, and even an overhead map of where I live is on the internet. Not only on the official site but a slew of private sites too. I feel like a prisoner in my home most of the time.

        • Dan
          October 23, 2019 at 11:15 pm

          You are not alone, I live in a drunken haze of suicidal tendencies; 3 combat deployments, 4 if you want to count 3 years of recruiting duty. I’m just waiting for my daughter to go to college, then I think I’ll take that comfortable looking dirt nap.

  3. Joyce
    July 22, 2019 at 5:00 am

    Someone please help me…I don’t wanna die but I’ve slowly lost everything I have. For the past 5 months I’ve been able to live in peace, watching over a ladies home and dogs, but now she’s got her son that has come to do that and has please asked me to find a place to go. There isn’t anywhere for me to go! I know I’m not her family and this isn’t her problem. I do not have anyone to help me. I’m not allowed in shelters. I’m not eligible for any type of assistance. My poor Momma, who can’t help me with a place to live and doesn’t have much money at all, paid for my BP meds last month. She’s sick and I can’t even tell her what I’m going through. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t make friends. What I do have is the most precious chihuahua who was abandoned like me. I’ll have to leave him here because I wouldn’t be able to care for him on the streets. I’ve never lived on the streets. I’ve tried to stay hopeful, losing everything…suicide fading in and out of my mind. What is left for me to do? Where do I go. I don’t wanna kill myself but i don’t wanna suffer anymore. I’ve already finished my eight year sentence in a women correctional facility. Why can’t I restart my life?

    • kat
      July 23, 2019 at 2:21 pm

      Joyce-
      You sound like you are dealing with a lot.
      Contact the WAR Support Line 1-800-311-3764 option #1.
      Maybe they can help or at least point you in the direction of the assistance you need.
      Don’t give up hope, tomorrow may be a better day.

  4. Zach R
    July 19, 2019 at 11:56 pm

    I thought I was alone. I was charged with a crime I didn’t commit when I was 14 years old. I tried to re-open the case to prove I’m innocent using DNA. I plead out because they said it was the only way to get out of jail. I landed in the registry, but where I’m from it was kept private. Fast forwarding, I’m 24 years old now almost 25 and 3 years ago, 4 months before I could be removed from the registry I was arrested and charged with failing to register. The girl involved in the situation had said she was a year older then what she really was and her Mom lied too. I got hit with a class 2 felony for not registering. After I talked to my attorney this morning, we were working a deal for 30 months probation, and when I arrived in his office he informed me that I was looking at 3 years to life in prison because Illinois DOC has the right to keep you after you’ve completed you sentence. Now I’m scared. I have a daughter and the “victim” has begged the state to drop the charges so we can get married and have our family back together but they refuse to do anything. Now I’m looking at life in prison and feel like maybe it’s now worth living anymore. The registry was to be private but cops still informed people they were close to a registrant. I lost my union job, my house everything over this registry and now with the new case it’s going to be public and I just want to end it so my family and kids don’t suffer the consequences.

    • kat
      July 20, 2019 at 5:00 pm

      Zach R-
      Contact the WAR Support Line 1-800-311-3764 option #1.
      You are not alone. There are people out there that can provide emotional support, contact the WAR support line. Get all the facts, talk with your lawyer, find out what’s what, there’s a big difference between 3 yrs and a lifetime in prison. Find out exactly what you are dealing with . Being scared is OK.
      Suicide is never the answer, not for you as a registrant and not for your family.
      Talk with someone on the support line, maybe it will help you see that your life is worth living.

  5. Judy
    July 4, 2019 at 10:50 am

    Yes, the Registry is so horrible and liberty stealing that most people who are faced with it cannot see an out. I agree you have to hang in there but it is tough. I know. I thought seriously about suicide but then I thought about my 16 year old daughter without a mother and couldn’t do it. But I understand it.

  6. Rebekah
    July 2, 2019 at 6:54 pm

    I am the wife of a sex offender and I lost my children because of it. Possession of 1-20 images of child pornography. I want to disappear.

  7. Jim
    April 4, 2019 at 5:18 am

    I am a registered sex offender in Florida. I have had a neighbor that terrorized me for 10 years. I called the police for help. But, they would not help because I am registered. I own and operate my own business and have worked very hard to be a good person in the community. Recently, I had a customer call. One of the companies I subcontract from and tell them that “He had heard rumors about me and that he didn’t want me working at his property or to be around his kids.” They weren’t even going to be around when the work was to be done. I work hard. Can’t get certain licensing because I am a sex offender which keeps me from making big money. I am so tired of working all the time and having little left over. I try to pay my bills and take care of my wife. Oftentimes I am suicidal. I guess I’m just tired of fighting…

    • April 4, 2019 at 5:30 am

      Jim – We do have members in Florida and a new state leader. Hang in there. Vicki

    • April 4, 2019 at 2:53 pm

      Jim, my name is John and I reside in Florida..contact me.

    • April 5, 2019 at 11:31 am

      ..unable to leave my email, ask Vicki to forward it to you.

  8. Mike
    February 14, 2019 at 7:49 pm

    On the registry for 25 years. It caused the breakup of family; wife, 4 children. The in-laws actively attack me sending letters to neighbors, had the shit kicked out of me many times. Once by the police. I have lost every friend I ever had. I just quit trying to make friends. It’s easier than dealing with the rejection. It’s been a major battle justifying not ending my life. I have been arrested 3 times for failure to register in front of friends and neighbors. And all three times it was a glitch in the paperwork or I neglected to inform the cops from where I moved from in writing that I moved. Once the cops came buy a friend’s house, ask me who I was and assumed I lived there and got a warrant. I lost an awesome girlfriend over that one. On occasion people will still proclaim to remain friends only to secretly talk behind your back. My kids stood by me until the peer pressure caused them to disconnect. I have 3 grandchildren, 2 that I have never seen. Presently I’m homeless. It’s middle of winter, a foot of snow all around the broken down mini van I’m living in. Oh, by the way, I was forced to sell a 4000 SQ foot home. Lost 50 thousand dollars in equity. I can’t get a good job despite my incredible skills. I took a plea bargain for something I didn’t do thinking I was doing the best thing to keep it all quiet. Now I’m getting old (61). I’m telling this story because I wish I would of ate a bullet long ago. The pain and suffering it has caused so many people over the years. All my family, my God if you only new it all. I should write a book. The justice system is fucked up. It’s suppose to stop unnecessary suffering not amplify it a thousand-fold. My recommendations is, eat a bullet, save all concerned much much much grief.

    • February 14, 2019 at 8:46 pm

      Mike – Call me tomorrow. Vicki 636.208.5949

    • Jim
      June 12, 2019 at 5:49 am

      I feel your pain my friend. I can speak from experience and tell you that the registry is definitely punitive.it has caused me many problems, shame and torture. I am inching closer to ending it all and finally getting off the list. Well, maybe not the list as in Florida they keep dead people on the list even after they have expired. I know there’s no hope for me. I just want to keep the shame and anguish from my family. It’s the least I can do for them. I love my family and they don’t deserve the life that I have been forced to thrust on them. It’s like prison for me. I mean at any minute in prison you could get into trouble or be killed. I often times feel that way now.

      I am so sorry for your situation my friend. I would love to offer you a way out. But, I don’t know one…

  9. Mimi
    August 21, 2017 at 7:02 pm

    My boss’s son committed suicide because of the registry and all that goes with it. As fate would have it my son is in federal prison now for CP possession however after the raid of the house he became so depressed by his possible fate and future that he was very close to suicide.
    Thankfully with the help of my boss I have been able to plan for how his life will be after prison. He will have a fully paid for house with acres of privacy- he just wants to be left alone. His car will be paid off – I’m keeping up the payments so his credit score stays in good standing. I’m hoping to start a business and give him a job. I want him to succeed despite what the prosecutor hoped for.
    Living well is the best revenge.

  10. lamarshall
    August 19, 2017 at 2:36 pm

    There are more than suicides. There are the attempts. There are the thoughts of suicide. There is the hopelessness of being unable to do anything, go anywhere, meet anyone new without someone finding out and assuming the worst. There is being rejected if you want to help out, because someone will freak out. There is being unable to go to church because there are Sunday School classes.
    I’ve seen people who were turned out of a hospital which they were admitted to after a suicide attempt, because they were doing better psychologically. But without a place to go to, they will probably try suicide again.
    I also want to see suicides end. How do we do that?

    • August 19, 2017 at 6:21 pm

      Since there are 861,837 men, women and children registrants across America and we estimate that impacts 2.5 to 3 million family members. If each of us committed to learning how to advocate and educate it would turn things around sooner than you think. If you are scared to bring up the subject with someone – do it anyway. If you are afraid to talk to your state legislators – face the fear and do it anyway. Just today we were at the Millions for Prisoners Human Rights Rally and March in St. Louis. I went and gave one gentleman who spoke at the rally after I did a WAR brochure and we began talking. He said he knows a young guy that was lied to by a girl and he is having to deal with the registry. I can’t tell you how many times I have started a conversation and got the….I have a family member, friend, etc that is on the registry. It is something that only the media talks about. Just to know there are people out hear willing to approach the subject and talk about how it creates a tidal wave.

    • kat
      August 20, 2017 at 8:24 am

      Re: How do we stop the suicides?

      We need to be willing to talk about how wrong the registry is. We need to stop letting politicians put a label on us, stop letting others define who we are, stop allowing society to “shame” us into being quiet. So, Talk. We need to be willing to advocate for ourselves and our families. If we don’t, no one else will. Talk to your family, friends, aquaintances, contact your state representatives, write letters to Washington. The more we talk, the louder our unified voices become and we Will be heard.
      And always remember, you are worthy of a good life, hard as it may be to make it at times, your life is worth living, so keep trying to make it the best you can despite the hardships. We’ll see an end to the registry, we just all have to work together to get it done.

  11. Michele
    August 18, 2017 at 10:31 pm

    I’ve think about suicide (every day) because of the registry and I’m not the one who has to register. I’m a family member but I get the hopelessnes of it. There’s no way out. Sex offenders and their families always get life sentences!

    • Mimi
      August 21, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      Michelle, I’ve been there and my journey isn’t over but I have a couple things going one is anger- my son was forced into admitting guilt to possessing CP. his fate would have been far worse if he tried to fight it.
      I’ve seen police and prosecutors lie.
      That said I have a strong determination to see my son succeed in life and my goal is for him to being financially comfortable and hold his head up proudly. Have a goal and make it happen. Where there’s will there’s a way.

  12. William black
    August 18, 2017 at 10:22 pm

    At times I think of suicide. I’ve on the registry six years now. I can definitely say I’ve made progress from where I was at in my life, i was arrested for cp I downloaded the files, i was living a life of depression and coping with a multitude of issues, I’ve always been one that was curious of information and what’s happening in the world not matter how crazy or weird. I went to far, I was in possession of the files I never shared them or told anyone of it I just had them. Now I’m on the registry, I have difficulty with relationships and keeping jobs, I made decision that ruined my life further than what it was. Not sure what to make of myself, not sure I want to live at times….

    • Mimi
      August 21, 2017 at 7:13 pm

      William,
      There’s no warnings anywhere on devices that can get internet like there are on packs of cigarettes. Morbid curiosity or ? The thought police are assuming certain things. Please don’t throw in the towel. I’m hoping at some point society will realize what madness this is.
      I wish you the best, you aren’t alone.

  13. JR M.
    August 18, 2017 at 10:05 pm

    Thank you for those nice words. It’s hard being a ‘freak’ of society.

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